Almost Normal

I met with my surgeon yesterday to discuss my mammogram 2 weeks ago. There is some "stuff" on there that is probably scar tissue from the surgery and radiation damage. Nothing major...it is what it is. I will have another mammogram so that these images become my new baseline...my new normal...and from those new normal images, all other images will be compared.

I had my port removed...HUGE STEP!

I'm in a little pain. After the lidocaine wore off yesterday, it really began to hurt. The surgeon had done the surgery in office, just numbing the area. She asked if I wanted pain meds but I hate the way they make me feel so I said no. Why is it that after the office closes you always wish you had taken the prescription...just in case. I took some tylenol and ibuprofen. Helped a little but the jabbing and stinging pain would shoot right through. My bandages are bloody and I don't know if that is normal or not. I'm not suppose to remove the bandages for 2 days but it seems that I should change it to a clean one. I think I will anyway.

So there it is. It feels like I've reached the pinnacle and that I'm on my way to getting back to living. No more monthly appointments to flush the port. No more sticks in order to flush. The thoughts may always be lurking in the back of my mind but they won't consume me daily...waiting for the next appointment. Yea, I'll have appointment every three months but I won't be checking that calendar weekly to see when the next one is...I'll know that it's a month or two away and won't have to worry about it.

Now...if I can my energy back. I still tire easily. I want to nap daily. I don't feel like being out and about all day. Going to the store...well, one is enough. I can't wait to feel energized again. Of course...I am 43 so maybe I won't :)

Remember...
Jesus loves you and so do I

1 Year and Counting

Well, I've hit the one year mark last month. It's hard to believe that a year ago this time I was going through all the tests and the emotional stuff that comes along with a cancer diagnosis. For the past few months I've just been living my life as normal as I can. I didn't start the tamoxifen when I was suppose to (I have now...about a month ago) and really I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. I'm not good at taking medicine or taking pills every day and truthfully I just didn't think I would be able to do it. I have since put my pills in the little weekly pill organizer and that has been a great help. So far I haven't had any side effects from the pills...that's a good thing.

I've been having some headaches pretty frequently for a month so I don't think that can be blamed on the meds...that's my only concern right now. They are not consistent, not on the same side of the head, nothing that I can really point to...maybe anemia again. I was having a terrible time with that prior to the cancer thing and it wasn't until after diagnosis that my oncologist gave me a nice boost through my iv. No problems since. But then, with all the treatment...my cycles went away and since coming back are really out of whack...so I'm thinking the anemia is a possibility.

I went for my 1 yr. mammogram this past week. I didn't hear anything back from anyone so I assume all is well. Last year, the radiologist had my doctor on the phone and I was called within 2 hours of leaving the office. The radiologist did take extra images and measurements of the other lump that was determined to be benign last year. Benign tumors are not suppose to become malignant so I'm guessing they just want to be certain that if anything weird starts happening they'll be on top of it. I guess that we can't always be certain that the dr got a piece of the tumor for testing so it's a good thing to watch it. I'm confident that it is benign. So long as it's not painful (only when pushed on) and it doesn't start growing wildly, we'll just leave it alone.

I meet with my surgeon next Monday (Nov 17) to get my port removed. I'll be so glad to have this protrusion off my chest bone. Just one more thing to not remind me of this past year.

It's funny because you see so many people who "take up the cause" and they are out there working for a cure, getting the word out, participating in any and every event and I just want to get on with living. I don't want to think about cancer every day. I don't want to worry about it coming back every day. I do want a cure - obviously - but I think I just want this year to be about living without all the tests, treatments, worry, etc. I'm so thankful for those who want to fight this with all they have...right from the beginning and never stopping. I kind of feel guilty. I don't want to feel that way. But I do. My kids had to do without so much last year. I tried to keep everything as normal as possible and right now I'm tired. I get tired really easily and can't keep up with everyone else right now. I don't know if this is because I kept trying to do it all. I don't know. I feel like I'm starting a pity party so I'll just quit now. Will post more when the ports out, when the headaches go away...when I'm up for it a little more. Right now...I'm gonna go take a nap. See you guys later.