Just a quick note

The last few days have not gone well. My port was replaced on Tuesday and it seems more painful than first surgery, possibly because the 1st surgery used some long-lasting numbing meds. My muscles began to ache and today were nearly unbearable. I've been in tears a lot today. It hurts to stand, walk, sit, lie...nothing seems to help. Kristi called and I could barely talk so she came by and got me to take some pain med (oxycodone?). That definately helped relax me and after resting was able to get up and get a bite to eat. I'm feeling dizzy now but wanted to atleast record what I was feeling. Will post more later. I'm going to go lie down.

Restless Night

2 days since chemo...feeling ok...kind of like a mild case of the flu right now. Felt cool and sometimes sweaty throughout the night and a little achy but all in all, ok. I only slept about 5 hrs, just laid in bed for an hour before deciding to just suck it up and get out of bed. Coffee's going and I'll try to make it to church today. I want to be there as much as I can just in case this chemo stuff puts me down for a little while. I don't want the kids to miss church either and they don't want to miss it. They look so forward to going and being there - no matter what day it is and no matter why we are there - be in church, Sunday school, angel food distribution day or just going there to chat with Pastor Danny or Pat. It's a joy in my heart to see them want to be there. I can never remember either of them saying "oh, do we have to go?" or anything of that nature. And when you sit listening to them, they are upstairs and you are down, and they are singing hymns and praise songs...that will bring a tear to your eye - atleast to mom's eyes.

I'm going to get a cup of coffee and see if I can work up a little energy now.

Thanks to those reading this blog who have offered up prayers for me these past weeks and months. I appreciate you all so much. Love to you all.

Little David's Favorite Verse:
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:31

1st Chemo Treatment Down...3 to go

I had my first chemo treatment yesterday. It wasn't too bad. I had a port installed during my first surgery which is used to administer the chemo. It's a small bottle cap sized thing with a 6-8 inch tube that is threaded into an artery in your chest. There's a little rubber or silicon piece on the round part that they stick the IV needle into. This device is used so that they don't have to find a good vein for IV's at every treatment as chemo will destroy your vein and you have to have blood draws before every treatment to check white blood cells and other stuff. I have very little veins (5 sticks to get an IV in the day of surgery) so it was a definite no brainer.

Well, yesterday my port didn't work. At first we thought because it had been installed on Dec 10 and never flushed that maybe the tube had been clogged. The nurses got a little bit through but then had to go to my hand for a vein. They sent me to hospital for a port study to find what was going on and the x-ray showed the tube was kinked - we were lucky to have gotten anything through. So now...back to surgery to have a new port installed...this one will be in my juglar so that it is a straight shot to where-ever they need it to go (the first one went across my chest and then curved downward.) Not looking forward to them going after my juglar! I'll meet with surgeon Monday morning to figure out when all this will take place.

I'm feeling ok after the chemo treatment. The nausea drugs so far have helped. I was feeling very good yesterday, even immediately after the treatment. I walked the hospital halls faster than the nurses - felt like I was on speed. But that didn't last long. Before leaving I could tell I was getting tired. Kristi was with me. The kids were with Jo's (son in law) mom. I wanted to stay awake until the kids got home - I did but boy I was tired. Not overly - just knew I needed to rest. Having my coffee this morning so thought I'd get all this in before I hit the bed again. Jo and Kristi are suppose to come over this morning and fix breakfast and keep the kids occupied. We could get a little wintry mix today so maybe they can get out in that - IF it happens. This would be 3 times in 2 weeks - very unusal for Georgia.

Will post more later. Need to go take my anti-nausea drugs for today.

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4

Happy Birthday my little David

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!

Goodness! 7 yrs today. Hard to believe, my little David is growing up so fast. Really, where does the time go? Penni, you must be asking the same thing. Yours will be 18 this year (Kristi 25). Whew. Makes me feel old. Atleast the little ones keep me feeling young(er).

I'm sorry to say that we will start this birthday out at the chemo-101 class this morning. What fun. Then I'll have to take David somewhere so the girls can decorate for a birthday party, just the family here tonight when daddy gets home. We'll celebrate the "boys" birthdays (papa, uncle Jeff and David) next weekend at memaws house. David can't believe he has to wait 10 days to go to memaws. My kids would move in over there if I'd let them.

Since chemo starts tomorrow, it might be a few days before an update. I keep telling myself I'll just breeze through this but then a reality check...knowing how I am, I'll be pukey for a week. I have my $115 per pill, anti-nausea medicine to start tonight. It better work for that amount of money. Isn't that insane? What do people do who have no way to obtain that medicine? It's corporate robbery and it's not fair. I'm fortunate enough to have insurance right now - thank God.

Well, it's time to get ready. Gotta go beautify myself. Figure I'll go have pix made with my kids today - while I still have hair - and while I still feel good. For those of you who know the veggie tales...Oh where is my hairbrush...Oh where is my hairbrush...Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where...is my hairbrush. That is going to be my new theme song. If you don't know the song, I'll try to find it and post it.

We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power and the wonders he has done. -Psalm 78:4

Yesterday Was Not A Good Day

Well it's been 3 months since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I met with oncologist yesterday for the results of the Oncotype test, a test that looks at 21 genes and determines the predicted rate of recurrence over the next 10 yrs. I'm on the high side of the low range but since my tumor was somewhat large (2.56cm), grade 2a, stage 2, I'm only 42 (YOUNG!) he wants to fight it agressively...thus he is still recommending chemo. He did lower me from 6 treatments to 4 so I guess that's good. They say that if you don't kill the cancer the first time, if it comes back (recurrence) it is more agressive and much harder to treat. Since I want to be around for my kids and family, I will take the doc's advice and begin chemo on Friday. They will not be treating me with adriamycin since I'm fearful of the side effects. I could experience some neuropathy (loss of feeling/numbness in fingers, hands and God only knows where else.) I can expect to be bald by day 14 after first chemo treatment - which I am so not looking forward to but my hair has been thinning for years now...I tell everyone God's been preparing me for losing my hair for a long time. Oh well, it will grow back...it'll probably be all gray knowing my luck.

I talked to a dear friend last night who really got on to me about not praying. I'm not good at praying for myself or for that matter, even asking for prayers for myself. I have to change that.
I know that God is there for me...He hears my heart...but I know He wants to hear from me. He wants to hear from you too. I think I'll talk to Him today.

Love you all
-kelli

There's ice on the trees...the ground is white...
We're in northeast Georgia where we've just received a little bit of winter wonderland. We don't get snow much here and last night, just before dark, the snow began to fall. This morning it's not snowing...the snow was topped with freezing rain so we can't make snow angels or snowmen but the kids love it just the same. We're not always prepared for stuff like this so David has his dad's socks on his hands-yep two pair. We have little knit gloves good for blocking cold air but not so good for wet snow and ice. His hands are frozen. Katie's has good gloves...from a couple years ago when we went to the UP (upper penninsula/Michigan)...now that was a beautiful winter wonderland.

The kids have their hot cocoa. They want to be warm...but...something about the snow makes you want to stay outside, no matter the discomfort.

Relay For Life

I spent two hours going over the site for Relay For Life. I looked at every link trying to get as much info as possible. I think I'll try to put together a team. I will continue to "bump" this post to the top to keep it in the forefront. Here are the details...

When: Friday, May 30, 2008 from 7pm to 7am...yes...all night long...spotlighting that Cancer Never Sleeps.

7pm - Opening Ceremony - this is the 1st lap - the survivor's lap - only survivors walk.
9:30pm - Luminaries Ceremony - lighting of the luminaries for survivors and those lost to cancer. A very moving tribute.
1200 midnight - Beauty Pagent: The Relay Womanless Beauty Pagent (no more said).
7am - Closing Cermony

I will be looking for people to join my team - either to stay all night with me, walking as we can or to sign up for a specific time to relieve me and other team members. I won't specify whether those who sign up need to walk an hour or half-hour...maybe you can walk two...I'll take whatever anyone can do. Hopefully I will be able to get some on my team to stay with me.

I am also looking for sponsors. I would like to get team t-shirts made with our team name on the front and the sponsors listed on the back. I need to get the prices on that so I can be prepared.

If not enought company sponsors, maybe each team member can pay $20; $10 participant fee to Relay For Life and $10 for a team t-shirt.

Our team name is Team Believe. Jesus said, "Do not be afraid, only believe." -Mark 5:36-

I'm really excited about this. Email me at 1kellikw@bellsouth.net if you'd like to discuss details, make donation to the team, etc.

Love to all my family, friends, co-workers, clients and church family. I love you all. -kelli

Not so great insurance

I got a call from Genomic Health, the company that actually tests the tissue samples removed at surgery. They test specific genes and determine the likelihood of recurrence and if chemo will be of any benefit. The results are scored by numbers 1-100, with only the 1-17 being in the lowest percentile of recurrence. My oncologist wants to see that number at 10 or below before opting out of chemo. I'm not feeling so lucky...

Well, my insurance is good and covers the test, which is great because this test is relatively new and not all insurance companies are on board with it. Unfortunately, I have terrible deductibles and maximum out of pockets to be met...but with God's grace...Genomic Health has other plans to help pay for the test. Turns out that according to Genomic Health, we must be poor and they will write off any amounts not paid by insurance company. WOOHOO! I'm still not feeling so lucky...

Results should be in between Jan 17-22 (10-14 days after receiving tissues.)

I think I'm at the point where I don't think of cancer every minute of every day now. Though I think of it daily and sometimes I get weepy, mostly I consider what do I do. Since I'm not in any treatment currently, not sure what treatment will be, I'm cautious of what I put on my calendar. I need to get the signs back on my car. I need to get new clients for the bookkeeping business I've had for nearly 4 years now. I haven't paid for my business license yet because I don't know what the future holds. I don't want to get new clients just to find out that I have to have an aggressive form of chemo and I'll be sick for days...blah, blah, blah. We shall wait and see.

Oncologist Appt

I met with oncologist on Wednesday. It went well. I scheduled it because chemo was due to start Monday and I was stressing over whether or not it was for me. When all this began, I went into surgeon with the mindset of having a mastectomy...just wanted all the cancer gone and now. But as I began to read up on the types and stages and grades and the clincal trials before me, I wondered what my course of action should be. Does chemo help everyone? Obviously not or there wouldn't be 40 thousand women dying this year as a result. I don't want to be one of those 40 thousand.

Well, since I hadn't seen the oncologist for a month, since before my surgery, I figured we had more info and should figure out what I should do. According to my pathology report I am a candidate for the oncotype test. It tests the tissue samples that were removed at surgery and will determine my likelyhood of recurrence as well as how much would chemo help increase that number. In order to avoid chemo, my number must come in under 10. The medium range is optional and the oncologist would probably recommend. The high range, over 25 or 30 would be definately chemo. I don't have a great feeling, like I'm going to have to decide for myself.

Another Consultation

I meet with the oncologist again tomorrow to discuss whether oncotype testing would be beneficial to me. Also, the more I read, the more confused I am about chemo and the long term side effects...things like cardio (heart) problems, other organ cancers and even leukemia. My surgeon didn't know of anyone on chemo who got leukemia but then, why should she? If I was "cancer free" for 3 years then found out I had leukemia, would I call me surgeon? I doubt it. I wouldn't need a surgeon, I'd need an oncologist again.

My mother's friend Debbie finished her chemo a year ago (I think). She was tired and had some issues but she was at work as much as she could be. She was going to take a cruise the week before Christmas but was in the hospital in cardiac arrest...the third time! I got a call from my mom last night...Debbie died from cardiac arrest Saturday. My prayers go out to her children and grandchildren, her parents and friends. I don't know if the chemo she received had anything to do with it. Don't know that we'll ever know. But is it coincidental? Who knows. All I know is that I am 42 years young with a 6 & 8 yr old and I want to be here atleast until they are grown. I have a 24 yr old daughter who lost her father at the age of 11 and I think she'd like to have me around a while longer also.

Thus...the meeting with oncologist. I need to make sure that chemo is going to keep me here longer, not shorten my life.