I'm Halfway Done With the Chemo

OK Friends:
I just got home from my second round of chemo - that means I'm halfway done. YIPPEE! I feel pretty good, just starting to get tired but I get tired every day between 3-4 o'clock. I met with my oncologist, Dr Nash (have I ever told ya'll how much I like him...I really do) and after discussing my severe pain last time, he said he thinks it's the Neulasta and not chemo. He guaranteed that it would help the pain and said I could definately go on the womens retreat. Unfortunately, that doesn't help with childcare. Neulasta is used during chemo to keep white blood count up so I don't get sick and I don't know what it's like in other places but around here...everyone has been getting a nasty flu bug. A third of our church was missing last Sunday. Can't remember if my last post said I was thinking of not going, so as you can see I did make it.

I'll probably repeat myself often and I've been trying to explain that "chemo brain" is a real problem...really...just google it...it's there. I was explaining it to Kristi on the way to chemo and she looked at me like I was crazy - but I think she does that anyway. So there I am, sitting in my chemo chair (got pix...will post later) while Kristi went to see her doctor and I get to the very last page of a magazine and there is was! No kidding! An article on "chemo brain." It explained it so well. Wish I could post here...maybe just a few of the tid-bits. My friend at church experienced it yesterday when I forgot the words to the song we were singing, even though she was holding the bulletin for both of us to see. I moved her hand farther away, I guess my eyes are going, too!

Thank's to everyone who is reading this blog and offering up prayers on my behalf. They are working and I feel so blessed to be a part of great family...and yes, Praise God I belong.

Family of God
Words and Music by William J. Gaither© 1970

Chorus
I'm so glad I'm a part of the Family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain,
Cleansed by His Blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family, The Family of God.

You will notice we say "brother and sister" 'round here,
It's because we're a family and these are so near;
When one has a heartache, we all share the tears,
And rejoice in each victory in this family so dear.

Chorus

From the door of an orphanage to the house of the King,
No longer an outcast, a new song I sing;
From rags unto riches, from the weak to the strong,
I'm not worthy to be here, but PRAISE GOD! I belong!

Chorus

see Heavenly Midis Songbook. Our family has learned many old hymn and news ones too.
http://my.homewithgod.com/heavenlymidis2/index.html

A Cute Kid Story

As you can see, insomnia has crept up on me tonight. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. Thought I heard one of the kids get up so my mommy side wouldn't let me go back to sleep without checking. Then I heard some yelping...strange sound...couldn't figure out what it was, until Katie came downstairs and asked me if I heard the coyote's? Well, I suppose it could be that. So now she's in my bed and wants to know if David can hear them...well NO...he's sleeping! We have to be up in about 2 hours to go distribute Angel Food Ministry boxes. If you don't know what Angel Food Ministries is, check out their site http://angelfoodministries.com.

If you read my previous post, you know my head is really hurting since the hair is falling out. For you girls out there, you know that feeling when you have your hair in a pony tail and forget to take it out at night...you know that tight, sore feeling you have in the morning...multiply that by 10. Well, anyway, we went out for dinner on Valentines Day and we were sitting in a booth. David and Katie were on one side, daddy and I on the other - David was directly across from me. This was my first night out with scarves wrapped around my head so I was a little self-conscience. I was telling Dave how sore my head was and I told him that if someone were to come up and pop me on the head that "I might have to deck 'em." Little David scooted up in his seat, leaned forward with his outstretched hand (as if he were going to tap me on the head) and as he got closer with his hand he said in his little boy voice, "what does deck mean?" I couldn't help but laugh and tell him that he was about to find out!

Hope you all had a nice Valentines Day.

Just Updating Since I Haven't Been Here Lately

Well, it's been a while since I've posted. It's now 19 days since my first chemo treatment and I don't have much hair left. I tried to hold on to as long as possible, not pulling on it. I guess if I had been pulling on it or really just running my fingers through it constantly it would never have lasted this long. I went to get pictures made today while I still had some hair and Kristi said it didn't look like it was much thinner...then I ran my fingers through it and she got teary-eyed at the sight. I just needed to hold on to it long enough to get a decent picture. I've been thinking about it since the beginning...if, God forbid, I lost this fight I wouldn't want everyone going by an open casket, looking at me and saying how good or bad I looked. I don't want my kids looking in a casket at me, looking sickly, I'd want a closed casket with a good picture, a picture of me healthy and looking happy. I know it seems morbid to think about it but when you get a diagnosis like this, you just can't help but think...what if God's time for me is up? What if He really wanted me home at the age of 42. So yes, I have thought of these things.

I though I was prepared to just buzz my head but that's a hard thing to do. I cut it really short today when I got home from getting the pictures taken. I just could bring myself to get the clippers out. Guess I'll sleep in a cap tonight so it's not all over the bed in the morning. It's kinda icky when you roll over and feel hair on your pillow. iiiicccckkkk

I didn't make it to church for prayer night tonight. I get tired pretty easily these days. I know it's not a good excuse and I should have made a better effort to be there. The kids and I sang for atleast an hour though. I love to hear them sing...I love to sing with them. We need to work up the guts to sing at church. I think I could do it with the kids.

Well my next chemo treatment is Monday. I keep thinking...after it's done and I get out of there...I am halfway done! That's a milestone. Will write more later. Time for bed.

Let all the earth fear the LORD;
Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.
For He spoke, and it was done;
He commanded, and it stood fast.
Psalm 33:8-9

Update

11 days later and I still have my hair. I hear it's suppose to fall out at day 14. I managed to get to the store and get a couple scarves and hats. I sure don't want to end up without something to cover my head!

I feel pretty good but I tire really easily. I still feel wobbly when I walk around a lot, like going shopping. My face has broken out really bad, not sure if it's a side effect or just stress. We've been at memaws since Friday and I'm ready to get home - much easier to rest at home.

Mom's in the hospital - had her knee surgery finally. I think she's doing well.

Going to try to get a video attached to this blog...check it out.

One Week Later

It's been a week ago today since having the first chemo treatment and three days since having the port replaced. Yesterday was the WORST of the worst. The pain I was in was horrible until I took the oxycodone. The kids were pretty concerned, trying to help me, standing over me asking me what to do. There was nothing to do. Luckily Kristi came to help out.

Today there is no pain but I am a little unsteady on my feet - a little dizzy, probably from the pain meds. I think thrush has set in in my mouth. My mouth felt funny for a few days but now it's feels very rigidy, like stiff crepe paper.

We're suppose to go to memaw's today so we can celebrate birthdays this weekend. We thought about putting it off but I don't want the kids to look back and remember that we didn't get to have birthdays or other special occasions because mom had cancer. Kristi is going to drive me as I don't think I should drive today and Jo will come out Saturday for the party. Maybe I'll be well enough to drive myself home.

Thankfully, only 3 treatments to go. Maybe it'll be easier as we go. I'll know ahead of time to keep some good pain meds on standby.