Chemo is Done!

It didn't seem like I'd ever get to this point. I just finished 4 rounds of chemo today and I am so glad. I can't wait to have my hair start growing in. I've waited 3 weeks in between each treatment and no hair started growing so I wonder just how long will it take. Seriously, I'd go without hair forever if it meant that I wouldn't have cancer ever again and that I never had to worry again. I know I've reached a big milestone today but I think once you have cancer, there is always that worry in the back of your mind...when will it come back. We change our diets. We change our habits. Our faith changes, sometimes for the better, sometimes worse. We are never the same again. I don't think that people who have never had cancer understand that we are never the same. We know that this cancer has little cells out there trying to take over other parts of our body. It may have come in one way and we have surgeries and chemo and radiation to take care of it...but has it already multiplied and found it way into another spot? Bones perhaps. Maybe lungs. The thought forever lingers. What we do with that is what matters. Do we dwell on the what ifs? Stay in bed, depressed? Absolutely not. We get up every day and we do what has to be done. God already has it written. We live and we continue to work for the kingdom. Whether we have 1 day left or 10,000...we work for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. And we do it daily. But it's a choice we make. And that choice we make will determine the quality of our life.

Today was by far the best treatment I had. I was there alone. Kristi had forgotten. Dave had to watch kids. Pat took me and dropped me off because she had to get to work and Dave picked me up when I was done.

I was the second in the "pod" of 4 chairs. The first one, Linda, was really struggling. This was her first treatment and she was not feeling well. Her husband came in with her. He was very attentive. After her first bag of chemo (we get two), her IV wasn't working properly, she had no port. Why? She would be getting 4 rounds of chemo then a year of another therapy that must be run through an IV. Her surgeon should have put the port in during her surgery. Instead she is put through this nonsense today and now has to go for another surgery. Today they had to reinsert her IV and they blew out 2 veins trying to get it in. Her arm was red and bruised and swollen from elbow to hand. She cried a lot today. I just had to close my eyes and pray that the nurse would be able to get that IV in the right place. Guess what, she did...not 5 minutes later either; that IV was in in less while I was praying or within seconds of stopping. Then they iced up her arm and gave her a little ativan. Woohoo!!! She was feeling good then. Can we say "tipsy?" She was so cute. I pray she is ok tonight. I hope she will call me.

Beverly came in third. She was in a wheel chair and really struggling to get to her chair. Her sister brought her in and helped her to her seat. She was small and frail looking with a beautiful smile. She had breast cancer 12 years ago. Remission for 12 years. Do you suppose she ever quit thinking that something might show up again. Nearly 2 years ago it was found in her bones. This is not bone cancer but breast cancer in the bones. She's had a stroke and they didn't think she was going to make it. 40,000 women will die this year from breast cancer. Was she going to be part of that statistic? She wants to live to see her grandchildren grow up. A couple of the treatments she was told would kill her and it has only been in the last 3 weeks that she has began to feel better. I hope she calls me also. I think we were put together for a reason today.

In pod number four a gentleman came in. I didn't get his name. He was quiet and didn't get into the conversation going on. I offered him the tv I had (there are only 2 swiveling tv's in each pod) since in my chemo fog I was attempting to watch tv, chat with the ladies and read a magazine which lay on my lap on the same page for the entire time. Now before you get on my case...I did manage to read a few pages in the Doc's examination room before he came in. And you know what, I think Deanna Favre' reads my posts! She used the exact imagery that I used to describe the pain on my head just before the hair falls out. She likened it to the too tight pony tail that you or your mom forgot to take out before going to bed and mulitply that times 5000. I think I may have said times 10 or so, but what's a few thousand? She also complained about that stupid neulasta shot that cost her $3500 back in 2004...here in 2008 I'm paying $4600 per shot. How about that for inflation! OH...back to my last visit with the ladies...

The gentleman turned down my offer of swinging the tv towards him...he said he could see it. I offered to change it from the food channel to a news channel and again he declined. And before you know it, he was gone. He was replaced by a poker-playing lady named Linda. Her hubby, mother and another lady were with her. This was her 2nd treatment and she seemed to be taking it well considering the cocktail she was given. She was extremely upbeat and appeared to have a great attitude about it all. I added her to my prayer list and gave her mother my phone number and email address since the nurse was with her when I was leaving. Linda said she'd love to come walk. If not, I shall walk for her as well.
I asked the other two ladies if I could pray for them. They accepted. (I wonder if I'd asked the man, would he have accepted my prayers???) I wrote their names down, lest chemo fog takes hold and I couldn't remember. Keeping a note pad handy these days is so very helpful. I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper and gave it to them. I asked them to come to the relay for life and walk the survivor's lap. If they couldn't make it, I would still walk for them. We talked about God and hope and God's greater plan...His knowledge...His plan for our lives before we were even born. It really was a good day.

Now get this! I brought up the Susan G. Komen message boards. Don't know why I brought them up, but I did and Linda said, "Do you get on them?" I told her yes. She said she did too and we exchanged our "board names." I told her I responded to her messages. She said she talked to someone about the Relay for Life...IT WAS ME!!! Is this a small world or what? I was so excited. I could not believe that someone I met on a message board was at the same cancer clinic, getting her chemo at the same time. Is that a God thing or what???

OK...I'm gonna calm down now and go to bed. By tomorrow I won't want to get up. I will be dragging for a few days. Oh, by the way, check out my cerficate at the top of the page. And please forgive my spelling and grammar slips.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

God gave His son as a gift. All you have to do is accept the gift.

People always say, if God is so good, why would He condemn people to hell? He didn't. He gave you years and years and chance after chance to accept His gift and time after time you laughed at jokes about Him, you mocked Him, you argued with Him, you cursed Him in the most vile way and you denied His very existence...only to turn around and blame Him for your problems. The Bible says that when you stand before Him, there will be those who say, "Jesus..." obviously knowing who he is, obviously wanting His gift now and He will say to them "Depart from me you workers of iniquity, I never knew you." That chance will be gone. Your eternity is complete.

He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. John 3:18-19

What is the name of the only begotten Son of God? Do you believe in Him? His name is Jesus and He is the only way to eternal life in heaven.

A long 3 weeks

Goodness...it's been 3 weeks since I posted. I think I was exhausted from all the stuff I was doing just prior to the last treatment. Then preparing for Easter - we went to moms and stayed a few days. That wears me out too. I think I try to reign in the kids a little more, trying to keep them form exhausting mom. She always wants us to stay a little longer but even before her knee replacement she would try to do too much with the kids (making up for the lost time she doesn't get with them maybe?)

We had a GREAT Easter with the family. Dave wasn't there, he usually has something to do with his church and it typically takes him all day. He was gone after work Friday (Good Friday), after work Saturday (he invited me - no thank you) and Sunday's he always gets home after 5. So, we packed up and went to moms. The cool things is...my family cooked and they were going to bring everything to my house. I live about an hour and a half away and that is BIG to me. Mom comes here sometimes to spend the night with the kids. But for my family to come, all bearing food for Easter dinner...that was awesome. But I told them it would be easier to come there than for all of them to try to pack up all the foods, driving several cars, etc. Besides, the kids with memaw for 3-4 hours would have been like torture for the kids. We came home Wednesday so I could get everything cleaned up and ready for Dave's Birthday (daddy Dave) and prepare for today's treatment - THE LAST ONE!

We went to church Sunday and then shopping for Dave's Birthday. Fishing poles for him and the kids and a tackle box. Hopefully they will get used.

During dinner last night, we got a prayer chain call that our santuary had caught fire. By the time I got the call and got to the church, most of the deacons and their wives had already received word and had been there cleaning up. We are really under attack right now and need some prayer, especially Pastor Danny.

So...I'm off for Round 4 of my treatments...suppose to be the last one today. YEA! I am suppose to have 5 weeks of radiation, 5 days a week next. I don't know when that should start, if it's immediately or if you wait a few weeks after chemo. The first radiation doc I met is not on my insurance so we will have to find another doc unless insurance will allow me to use them due to the hardship it would create if I had to drive much longer than that. Everyone tells me that the radiation is ok except at the end it gets a little tougher. Most of those who have said that did not have chemo, don't have an already weakened immune system, weakened body, etc. I have heard that it just makes you tired and run down. So basically, I guess I'll continue to feel the way I have been over these last couple of months :-)

On My Way To 3rd Chemo Treatment

The time changed over the weekend (3 weeks early I think) and I'm still tired. I should be getting ready by now since I need to pick up Kristi first. She had another seizure last week so it's back to no driving for her. She had just started in December...I didn't want her to start then (mother's do sometimes know best.)

This will be my third of four treatments. So far, God has been good to me. So good in fact that I didn't fill one of my nausea meds because I forgot to take the $100 per pill last time. I took the first one, which is 125mg, but forgot to take them on day two and three. I will take the day two pill today, which is only 80mg. I'll let you know how I feel.

I have done well these three weeks since treatment #2. I went on the ladies retreat 3 days after the treatment and did well, though I did wind down quickly in the evenings. The day after returning is when the accident happened (you can read about it in the previous blog) and I have been going pretty strong since. I guess we're all like that. When there are things to be done, we just do them but when we stop, it catches up with us and we begin to feel the effects.

Will write more later. I have ten minutes to get dressed, finish my coffee, warm up the car, blah...blah...blah... Love you guys.

When Jesus Calls Us Home

Last week, our church was hit hard when after an Awana's playtime at the jungle jump, 2 members of a family were killed in a car accident and another was left in a coma with head trauma. Today's post is dedicated to that family, Donna and David who had to bury their precious daughter Kathryn (7) and Donna's mother Nancy. Marcus (8) survived the wreck and has been in a children's hospital since. My heart goes out to this family as my flesh can not imagine having to bury one of my children...but my heart rejoices at the same time that they have gone home to glory and are in the presence of Jesus. I'm selfish, I'll admit it. I'll miss little Kathryn bouncing into church and sitting wherever she pleased. Sometimes she'd sit with Katie, my daughter; other times with Pastor Danny and Janet. Last week, I heard she sat by Scotty, our sound guy, watching him push buttons, move levers or whatever he does over in that corner. Sometimes her mom Donna would hold her the entire time we sang...until children's church was called. I will truly miss her.

Nancy was the family matriarch, the glue holding everyone together. She made sure that the children were always at church, coming to every occasion or function the church had, ensuring that the kids were there learning God's word. She did what she was suppose to do, even when she was sick and probably would have preferred to stay in bed. She was going to teach me to sew. I never made the time. I wish I had. She made beautiful clothes...you never knew if what she was wearing was bought in a store or she made it, she was that good. I will miss her, too.

And then there's Marcus. Wow! One of a kind, for sure. Abundant energy. Most people thought Marcus was too busy doing other things to truly listen to what was being taught but not those of us who worked with the kids in children's church and Awana's. It didn't matter if Marcus was hanging upside down in a chair, playing with his feet or hiding in the toy box in children's church...if someone was teaching, he was listening. If you asked a question, even from the pulpit, Marcus will tell you the answer, usually to chuckling of those in the congregation. There was more than one occasion when Marcus chose to sit away from the class and we'd teach the lesson, ask questions and the first one (sometimes only one) would shout the answer from his little space he wanted to be in. We knew when the pastor wasn't really expecting an answer but if you're gonna ask a question with Marcus in the room, you'd better be expecting an answer. Last Sunday, February 24, Marcus was silenced. He's been in a coma since and tonight the family waits. Only God knows the outcome and we have to trust Him. Our God is a good God and though we don't understand sometimes why he allows things like this to happen, we have to believe that He has ALL of our best interests at heart. That doesn't always make it easy.

My children, Katie and David, love both Marcus and Kathryn. They were all partners that last day in children's church. I love them, too. Tonight we say a prayer for Donna and David...she lost her mother and daughter in a blink of an eye. We pray for Marcus and his family, too. Hold your children close tonight.

Edited to Update...
Marcus met his cousin Kathryn and grandmother Nancy in heaven this week. Though not the outcome we wanted right now...we would like to have kept him with us...but we praise our Lord for the time we had with him (with all of them.) They made us better people. They made us take stock in our own families, if not during their life with us, then during this tragedy. We weep this week but understand that Jesus knows far greater than we. He knows the end and how things could have...may have...turned out. He knew how much time they had on this earth, we didn't. What would we have changed had we known their time here was so short? I bet we would have changed a lot. How much time do you have? No one knows but our Lord. Spend each moment treasuring your families, our time here may be short.

From Isaiah the prophet
Isaiah 60:19-22 (nkjv)
19: The sun shall no longer be your light by day,
Nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you;
But the LORD will be to you an everlasting light,
And your God your glory.
20: Your sun shall no longer go down,
Nor shall your moon withdraw itself;
For the LORD will be your everlasting light,
And the days of your mourning shall be ended.
21: Also your people shall all be righteous;
They shall inherit the land forever,
The branch of My planting,
The work of My hands,
That I may be glorified.
22: A little one shall become a thousand,
And a small one a strong nation.
I, the LORD, will hasten it in its time.