Insomnia or Hot Flashes...Maybe Both

OK. So I've been up since 2:30am. It was hot in there. I didn't turn the fan on last night because I just thought it'd be ok. It wasn't. I probably woke up 3 times since 10:30pm. I'm tired and my eyes hurt but I can't get back to sleep. It's just me and the little moth that has found its way to my computer screen this morning.

This week has been a little harder. I had my last chemo treatment Monday and it went downhill from there, getting a little harder with each passing day. I stayed in my pj's all week with the exception of one day when I had to go to the bank. I didn't cook. I didn't wash dishes. I didn't do anything! Poor Dave had to work then come home and do everything else around here. He's great at not complaining about stuff like that...though I certainly didn't throw down the gauntlet and tell him he had or needed to do the dishes every day. I warned him each day before he got home that the house wasn't in the best shape and I had the kids get their stuff picked up so he wasn't bombarded when he walked in the door. I think guys are different that way anyway. I'm not sure he notices a sinkful of dishes the way women do. Sorry to any of you guys that do.

My pain this week wasn't as great as the first treatment but wasn't as slight as 2 and 3. It seemed to have really knocked the wind out of my sails this time. The pain was in my legs...more like muscle spasm, jelly legs and some minor pain. My stomach was very upset. No coffee or tea here...it was hard to drink anything; partly due to stomach ails and partly due to my mouth just feeling icky - like sludge - can't taste anything, tongue feels weird, just icky.

I started feeling better on Saturday. Atleast I could get up and walk without looking and feeling like a zombie. I managed to cook a pot of soup and some cornbread for me to eat on all day (luckily the kids had leftover pizza which they were happy to have for lunch and dinner.) I managed to do the dishes, a load of laundry (even if I did restart the dryer atleast 3 times to get wrinkles out), swept the bathroom floor, got baths started for kids, removed all the winter clothes from the closet, boxed them up, moved all tee's from one closet to another, vacuumed. WOW...when I write it all down it sounds like I accomplished alot. Maybe I should start writing it down more often. I 've often told Dave that there is so much that I do that he never sees; rearranging the shelves in the laundry/storage room, cleaning floors, fixing his drawers (how did he think those socks got lined up so nicely in his drawer?)

I hope my stomach doesn't keep me home from church in the morning. I already missed our monthly ladies night (Friday night) which I absolutely hate! But I sure don't want to go with my stomach in turmoil. The kids will HATE it! I wish sometimes that I could let them go with Dave. I wish we were all together. It really, really stinks. I could always go and drop them and just hang out in my car - close to the house. We're in several building on an old farm so Sunday School classes are split among buildings and then the kids have children's church in one building while we have service in another. If I stayed in the car then I wouldn't be disrupting anyone coming or going. Of course then I'd get a lecture on why I came, why didn't I call someone to pick up kids, etc. and then someone would insist on bringing me home - isn't it great when you have a family that cares about you so much. My church family has been incredible to me during these months. They have taught me so much about serving one another and really loving. I love them more than they know. I wonder what I can do to show them how much they truly mean to me. I'll have to think about that one.

I've been up for nearly an hour now so I'll try to go back to sleep. Hopefully I will not be back out here writing more. Good night my sweet family and friends. Good night. Love to you all.

PS...I'm not spell checking or reviewing my post lest I be out here tweeking it for another hour. Then I might delete the whole thing. So I'm just going to close right here, right now. Love You.