Next Treatment

I met with my oncologist today and so begins my hormone blocker therapy. It's called Tamoxifen and though it doesn't stop production of estrogen, it prevents estrogen from attaching to a protein that feeds/causes cancer. I asked the doc what would if I didn't want to take it, he softly said, "death." Well then...I guess we'll be taking it! I'm sure he didn't mean that all of a sudden there would be another mass and I'd be dead in a few months...just that my cancer feeds on estrogen and if I do nothing it may return either in the breast or other places (metastasis) like bone, brain or lungs. I just read that with tamoxifen, that liklihood drops 69% - that's pretty big. So I suppose I will start this week after I read up on everything. There's a link to the National Cancer Institute's page for tamoxifen at the bottom of this blog.

My doc doesn't believe in continually searching for cancers with PET scans, CT scans and other types of x-ray/scans but will watch blood counts, estrogen levels, etc. I'll see him every three months unless the tamoxifen isn't working for me (side effects) and will have my port flushed monthly until we are comfortable with removing - feeling that it won't be needed any more. That will be nice since it looks ugly sticking out of my chest and it is sometimes uncomfortable.

We have VBS this week from 630-9pm. We are using the Back to Genesis curriculum so we will be studying the 7 C's. Last night we studied creation. I am hopeful that we are able to instill in our children that we are created by God and not some offspring of an ape, not something that just happened along the way after some big cosmos event (big bang theory). I pray that when the children hear these things in school that they are equipped and grounded in their spirit of knowing God is our creator - He is the alpha and the omega - the beginning and the end.

Will write more later - gotta get a nap in before VBS tonight or I won't make it.
Love to you all...

To My Brother & Sister

Penni...I am just now reading your post from April. Thank Jeff because he called and told me that he posted a comment. Otherwise, I might not have checked my comments! Thank you both. I'm really not that strong, just determined. And you know me, I like to be in control. Stop laughing and don't blurt out loud, "that's for sure!" Even if my insides are turning, I don't want to show it. Even more so with the kids. They keep me going. I gave in to David's request of having a mohawk-I know, ya'll can't believe it can you? Thanks to Jo, my dear son in law who loves to sport a mohawk often and sported a very pink one for the Relay...David's mohawk is very temporary and just for fun. He told me that after he shows everyone, especially Jo, he'd shave it off so his hair would look like mine. ahhh.

Jeff and Penni...it's funny because your comments were written 2 months apart and they say nearly the same thing. Did mom put you up to it??? Just kidding. I love you both, too! Oh...and to everyone else...ya'll need to start writing comments because Jeff was feeling sorry for me and my blog not having comments. If you don't start writing he's going to have to write them all himself. Kind of made me think I need to blog just to blog...about everything...not just the cancer stuff. Maybe I can link from a regular page to the cancer stuff so I won't have to keep talking about it. Some like to talk about it all the time but I think I'd just like to get to that new normal place where I don't have to talk about doc appt's and tests and all that goes along with it. So if you look one day and it's no longer pink...and the cancer stuff is somewhere else...then you'll know I figured it out! Wish me luck. I started to put a my space page together but was scared off with having to download all the cool looking stuff. Otherwise it was just too boring looking. But if you all have my space pages...send them to me so I can check them out.

OK...now for my the health stuff. Feeling good but a little tired. That's normal for me these days. I have follow up visits with my oncologist and radiologist next week. I expect the oncologist will put me on hormone blockers - can ya'll say menopause here we come!!!! Pray for Dave. Still feeling too young for that one, but I suppose I have to do it. Wow, that's all I have regarding health stuff!

I'm not sure that I thanked everyone properly for supporting me during the relay for life walk. THANK YOU...THANK YOU...THANK YOU!

And thank you all for the prayers I know you've prayed. I love you all.

Happy Father's Day!

Dad...
Happy Father's Day. Hope you have a great day!

Wish I could've come out.

Will see you in a week or so.

Harry...
Happy Father (in law) Day. Hope you had a great day with Dave!

He tends his flock like a shepherd...he gently leads those that have young
Isaiah 40:11


Exerpt from "A Father, A Hero" by Dr. James Dobson

Every child needs a hero.

When I was young, it was common practice to study those who had led exemplary lives - courageous men and women who succeeded against all odds. Our heroes were leaders and role models such as Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill and Florence Nightingale. They inspired us to reach for the best within us.

Today, thanks in part to our society's fascination with human failure, that tradition has fallen by the wayside. There is less emphasis on past achievers, while contemporary sports stars, entertainers and political figures, with all their flaws on display, just don't measure up. From watching the news or reading the papers, one would think that boys and girls living in the twenty-first century would find no one worthy of their respect and admiration.

Yet there is one person - one man - that every child longs to look up to, to emulate, to know that he or she can count on when the chips are down. He is the one that all children, in the deep reaches of their hearts want most as a hero.

Dad.

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there.

Treatments Done!

I haven't blogged now for the last 2+ months. I've been going to radiation therapy for nearly 7 weeks...5 days a week...that's a lot of driving for someone who isn't used to driving every day. I had to drive 30 miles one way for treatments so it nearly doubled out fuel cost for the last couple of months.

The radiation wasn't bad. It took all of 5 minutes to get set-up (aligned with the lasers) and have the 120 seconds of radiation zapped in me. It didn't bother me until the last week then some areas were like sunburn - radiation doc likened it to a second-degree sunburn. It is still painful under my arm but it's getting better.

I am so ready to just be "normal" again, whatever that is. I suppose we find a new normal, one that knows the cancer could return but hopes it never will; one that knows it could return but the thoughts are pushed to the back of our brain in hopes that we don't dwell on it lest it consume every moment of every day. This will be the new normal. I'm thankful that there will be no tests for a few months and hopefully doc visits will be minimal. I think I'll have to have my port flushed every 4-6 weeks though but that is ok. I'll be glad when it comes out, then maybe it will feel like this nightmare is somewhat over. It doesn't hurt but it's uncomfortable doing certain things like reaching over your head or laying the wrong way.

My hair is coming back. It's about a half inch long now with lots of gray. Most of the ladies on some cancer forums say it will darken over a few months to a year - yea! Atleast it didn't come in white like some. I love white hair, I think it's beautiful but...I'm not ready for white hair yet! I told Dave I was gonna bleach it and he asked if I'd asked the doc. Well, no! He might say, "no." I figure if I don't ask then he can't say no and I won't be going against doc's orders. Right?

Will write more later. We have company and I need to get some lunch going.

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.